Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Down and Low
The dream job didn’t come true after all. I have no idea why. They just like to keep us in the dark, guessing what they want to do with our life and career.
Great. Life is beyond our control. But it had already landed on my lap (nearly), and just flew away, with no notice, no explanation, no warning, no reason.
And back to the drawing board now? What the hell is going on here…
Too happy too soon. A lesson to be learnt.
Great. Life is beyond our control. But it had already landed on my lap (nearly), and just flew away, with no notice, no explanation, no warning, no reason.
And back to the drawing board now? What the hell is going on here…
Too happy too soon. A lesson to be learnt.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Health problems
This year I’ve been dogged by various health problems, some old, some new.
My Capillaritis came back for no apparent reasons. The funny thing is, the marks are so even on both sides of my legs. But I don’t feel that worried anymore, because I know they well go away. And I just started taking zinc supplement because I read somewhere that if one does not consume a lot of meat and seafood, they lack zinc and as a result they may experience dry skin, eczema, acne etc. My skin in general is very dry, with the exception of my face. Even Eubos shower oil and baby oil don’t seem to have any effect on my fish scale skin. So let’s hope the zinc supplement helps.
The old pain on my lower back and right leg has not recovered fully, even though I can squat and do my yoga poses without any pain now. W recommended me to this chiropractor that uses the activator method, instead of the hi-tech computers and equipment that I was used to. This is relatively primitive. But somehow I was impressed by his diagnosis. Apparently it was my spine that caused my stomach to bloat, right leg to hurt, and occasional headache – to name a few. It’s amazing. And it’s not caused by yoga (aha!) but wrong sitting posture over the years – thanks to the computer. The treatment is really painless (almost) but after the first treatment, I couldn’t sleep at night because my body had reacted to the treatment and the pain was aggravated. Thankfully by the 3rd day the pain was gone and the 2nd treatment was painless. Just hope his treatment is as good as his diagnosis.
I’m tired of all these pains and discomforts, but I think we’ll have to accept the fact that we all age and we just have to bear with the unpleasant changes in our bodies. The only downside to this treatment – I’m forbidden to do any kind of stretching in order for his adjustments to stay – until I’m fully recovered. So I have stopped doing yoga completely and waiting eagerly to see the improvements and recovery, hopefully.
My Capillaritis came back for no apparent reasons. The funny thing is, the marks are so even on both sides of my legs. But I don’t feel that worried anymore, because I know they well go away. And I just started taking zinc supplement because I read somewhere that if one does not consume a lot of meat and seafood, they lack zinc and as a result they may experience dry skin, eczema, acne etc. My skin in general is very dry, with the exception of my face. Even Eubos shower oil and baby oil don’t seem to have any effect on my fish scale skin. So let’s hope the zinc supplement helps.
The old pain on my lower back and right leg has not recovered fully, even though I can squat and do my yoga poses without any pain now. W recommended me to this chiropractor that uses the activator method, instead of the hi-tech computers and equipment that I was used to. This is relatively primitive. But somehow I was impressed by his diagnosis. Apparently it was my spine that caused my stomach to bloat, right leg to hurt, and occasional headache – to name a few. It’s amazing. And it’s not caused by yoga (aha!) but wrong sitting posture over the years – thanks to the computer. The treatment is really painless (almost) but after the first treatment, I couldn’t sleep at night because my body had reacted to the treatment and the pain was aggravated. Thankfully by the 3rd day the pain was gone and the 2nd treatment was painless. Just hope his treatment is as good as his diagnosis.
I’m tired of all these pains and discomforts, but I think we’ll have to accept the fact that we all age and we just have to bear with the unpleasant changes in our bodies. The only downside to this treatment – I’m forbidden to do any kind of stretching in order for his adjustments to stay – until I’m fully recovered. So I have stopped doing yoga completely and waiting eagerly to see the improvements and recovery, hopefully.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Dream Job
Somehow I wasn’t as excited and exhilarated as I thought I would be when I heard the news that I’d be getting the bakery job that I had been eyeing on. Maybe it’s been dragging on for too long. Maybe the fear of unknown has set in. Maybe I’m too complacent in what I have been doing – nothing that is, haha… but I do welcome the new challenge and hope that I can make a difference, though honestly I don’t know what I have gotten myself into. But I’m being paid to develop a bakery chain, without any capital investment required, ain’t that a dream come true? Another damper to my spirit was I heard someone I don’t like very much has applied for the position to become my boss. *Gulp* Hope it doesn’t come true. We just can’t have it all I guess. I should really be counting my lucky stars that the agony of waiting and hoping is finally ending. Yes, I am indeed blessed! :)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sleeping Beauty Cake
It’s my niece’s 5th birthday and she has requested for a Sleeping Beauty Cake. I honestly had no clue how Sleeping Beauty looks like! Googled some pictures and decided that her gown (with long sleeves!) are just too outdated.
So I decided to just stick to the colors and modified the dress a little. And chose a tried-and-tested-and-loved Chocolate Peppermint Butter Cake as the base.
I actually liked the dress because it really accentuated her curves hehe… and I wanted to try my hand on making drapes with fondant.
By the way this was the first time I used ready-made fondant. It was easy to work with. Taste wise – no different, if not better than those that I made from scratch. Of course it’s a lot more expensive, but I only needed half a packet to cover a doll cake. And the amount of time saved… definitely worth it!
This is only my second attempt in making doll cake and sad to say, I don’t think I have improved – the folds on the skirt seemed better/smoother in my first attempt. But design wise I prefer the second attempt.
Sadly, both the cakes turned out to be so dry… the recipes work perfectly well in normal moulds or cupcakes but not in this inverted pyramid mould – I had to bake the cake longer to ensure it’s completely cooked. It is disappointing because the cake looked beautiful but the cake was not something I would eat, personally. I’m quite sure the guests felt the same but was just too polite to tell me.
Shall try another recipe for the base till I get it right. I believe in perfection – my cakes must look AND taste good :)
On another note, thank goodness the red dots have faded from my legs without me making any adjustments to my lifestyle or diet! Please don’t come back again.
So I decided to just stick to the colors and modified the dress a little. And chose a tried-and-tested-and-loved Chocolate Peppermint Butter Cake as the base.
I actually liked the dress because it really accentuated her curves hehe… and I wanted to try my hand on making drapes with fondant.
By the way this was the first time I used ready-made fondant. It was easy to work with. Taste wise – no different, if not better than those that I made from scratch. Of course it’s a lot more expensive, but I only needed half a packet to cover a doll cake. And the amount of time saved… definitely worth it!
This is only my second attempt in making doll cake and sad to say, I don’t think I have improved – the folds on the skirt seemed better/smoother in my first attempt. But design wise I prefer the second attempt.
Sadly, both the cakes turned out to be so dry… the recipes work perfectly well in normal moulds or cupcakes but not in this inverted pyramid mould – I had to bake the cake longer to ensure it’s completely cooked. It is disappointing because the cake looked beautiful but the cake was not something I would eat, personally. I’m quite sure the guests felt the same but was just too polite to tell me.
Shall try another recipe for the base till I get it right. I believe in perfection – my cakes must look AND taste good :)
On another note, thank goodness the red dots have faded from my legs without me making any adjustments to my lifestyle or diet! Please don’t come back again.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Yoga and injury
It’s still a mystery, at least to me, if yoga really causes serious and long term injuries.
Somehow it’s happening to this group of friends, one after another.
We used to hike and speedwalk on steep walking paths every week, for years, when we were younger. We felt very fit then.
They I started yoga, and stopped joining them for the morning walks. I was perfectly fine until I went to the US and walked on an even steeper path in San Francisco Pier 39. Since then my hips and legs were never the same again. They were either in discomfort or pain most of the time, and the condition only improved after suffering for more than one year, after I sought treatment from various doctors and specialists.
2 years back, this same group of friends (3 of them) requested for me to teach them yoga. Of course I was more than happy to take up the offer. We did it once a week, and it stopped after less than one year as I was too occupied to continue teaching, and one of them, W, wanted to take a rest as she didn’t feel very good on her spine. Nothing very advanced or strenuous was taught given the short time.
Another one of them, T, continued with her journey in yoga with an Indian teacher. Few months back I was told that she pulled a muscle on her buttocks and had to stop too. She started to go for various treatments to cure the pain.
W’s back and leg were like mine, constantly in discomfort. She also went for various treatments and the latest being a chiropractor. His diagnosis was, her pelvis was not even and that had caused all the pain. He advised her to walk on flatland until she has fully recovered.
As for T, her pain never really got away and she decided to go for a MRI scan – and she actually has a minor slipped disc!
When W relayed these stories to me, she did mention a few times that our injuries could have been caused by yoga. I was kind of disturbed. And perhaps I sounded defensive too. Because I have never heard that yoga causes slipped disc! Maybe I should have controlled myself, but I thought I was implied as a bad teacher who caused injuries to my students.
My suspicion is, years of walking on steep slopes certainly strained our backs and legs without us knowing, but the effects are all flaring up only at an older age.
How can yoga cause these injuries? W told me the only time she used her pelvis was during yoga. You mean we can easily dislocate our pelvis just by sitting in half lotus pose? Or raising our legs in downward dog? But not to worry, our friendship is not strained.
I must admit that I am kind of discouraged to teach anymore. It is so easy to put the blame on yoga for any injuries – but there is no evidence to prove or disprove it. We can only guess. And of course many traditional doctors that they consulted are against the practice of yoga, for some strange reasons.
I can only conclude that yoga does have different effects on different people. But to say that yoga causes spinal and pelvic injuries, I just find it hard to accept. Can someone enlighten me?
Somehow it’s happening to this group of friends, one after another.
We used to hike and speedwalk on steep walking paths every week, for years, when we were younger. We felt very fit then.
They I started yoga, and stopped joining them for the morning walks. I was perfectly fine until I went to the US and walked on an even steeper path in San Francisco Pier 39. Since then my hips and legs were never the same again. They were either in discomfort or pain most of the time, and the condition only improved after suffering for more than one year, after I sought treatment from various doctors and specialists.
2 years back, this same group of friends (3 of them) requested for me to teach them yoga. Of course I was more than happy to take up the offer. We did it once a week, and it stopped after less than one year as I was too occupied to continue teaching, and one of them, W, wanted to take a rest as she didn’t feel very good on her spine. Nothing very advanced or strenuous was taught given the short time.
Another one of them, T, continued with her journey in yoga with an Indian teacher. Few months back I was told that she pulled a muscle on her buttocks and had to stop too. She started to go for various treatments to cure the pain.
W’s back and leg were like mine, constantly in discomfort. She also went for various treatments and the latest being a chiropractor. His diagnosis was, her pelvis was not even and that had caused all the pain. He advised her to walk on flatland until she has fully recovered.
As for T, her pain never really got away and she decided to go for a MRI scan – and she actually has a minor slipped disc!
When W relayed these stories to me, she did mention a few times that our injuries could have been caused by yoga. I was kind of disturbed. And perhaps I sounded defensive too. Because I have never heard that yoga causes slipped disc! Maybe I should have controlled myself, but I thought I was implied as a bad teacher who caused injuries to my students.
My suspicion is, years of walking on steep slopes certainly strained our backs and legs without us knowing, but the effects are all flaring up only at an older age.
How can yoga cause these injuries? W told me the only time she used her pelvis was during yoga. You mean we can easily dislocate our pelvis just by sitting in half lotus pose? Or raising our legs in downward dog? But not to worry, our friendship is not strained.
I must admit that I am kind of discouraged to teach anymore. It is so easy to put the blame on yoga for any injuries – but there is no evidence to prove or disprove it. We can only guess. And of course many traditional doctors that they consulted are against the practice of yoga, for some strange reasons.
I can only conclude that yoga does have different effects on different people. But to say that yoga causes spinal and pelvic injuries, I just find it hard to accept. Can someone enlighten me?
Friday, April 9, 2010
A happening Q2 2010
Started off Q2 with some "memorable events".
First it's the Capillaritis. It still looks the same. I'm going back to yoga tomorrow -_-.
Our 3-month old 42" Philips Full HD LCD television had a mini explosion after just 5 minutes of viewing - for no apparent reasons! It just went D-E-A-D. It's definitely not overused, we don't even watch TV once a day. Just hope that the warranty covers the damage :(
My lower right molar has been killing me. Went to another dentist to change the filling as there was sharp pain 3 months after I paid a bomb for some white porcelain filling. 3 days after I changed the filling, I started to get even sharper pain - from my right jaw all the way to my right ear. It was just excruciating. Went back to the dentist, was given 2 options - either I go for root canal + crowning, or get it extracted. I chose the latter. The tooth was already cracked and not in good shape. I have gone through enough pain. The process took less than 1 minute and cost me RM20. Damn, I should have done it long ago... though the bleeding for 24 hours is no fun, but the pain is gone!
Got a new cell phone, Nokia E52 for RM800 (have been a laughing stock among my friends for having a very very old Nokia 6110 which served me so well even till now), and on the same day, got my new Honda City after a 6.5-week wait :)
You win some, you lose some. That is life.
First it's the Capillaritis. It still looks the same. I'm going back to yoga tomorrow -_-.
Our 3-month old 42" Philips Full HD LCD television had a mini explosion after just 5 minutes of viewing - for no apparent reasons! It just went D-E-A-D. It's definitely not overused, we don't even watch TV once a day. Just hope that the warranty covers the damage :(
My lower right molar has been killing me. Went to another dentist to change the filling as there was sharp pain 3 months after I paid a bomb for some white porcelain filling. 3 days after I changed the filling, I started to get even sharper pain - from my right jaw all the way to my right ear. It was just excruciating. Went back to the dentist, was given 2 options - either I go for root canal + crowning, or get it extracted. I chose the latter. The tooth was already cracked and not in good shape. I have gone through enough pain. The process took less than 1 minute and cost me RM20. Damn, I should have done it long ago... though the bleeding for 24 hours is no fun, but the pain is gone!
Got a new cell phone, Nokia E52 for RM800 (have been a laughing stock among my friends for having a very very old Nokia 6110 which served me so well even till now), and on the same day, got my new Honda City after a 6.5-week wait :)
You win some, you lose some. That is life.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Should I quit?
After my ligament was fixed, I was happily attending 2-4 yoga classes a week. I felt I was back to my form. I was glad that I could now go back to my routine.
Then 3 weeks back, I noticed some bleeding under my skin on both my legs… and they never subsided. I got worried and went to see a GP. She even took my blood to check on my platelet count, but concluded that my blood was normal. So she referred me to a dermatologist.
Dermatologist concluded that I have Capillaritis - Capillaritis is characterized by leakage of red blood cells from small, superficial blood vessels that results in pinpoint-like hemorrhages (petechiae). Capillaritis is frequently found in patients with long periods of extended standing related to their occupations. A skin hypersensitivity reaction, salicylates and nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) are the most commonly associated origins of capillaritis, though the precise cause is unclear. Capillaritis is usually a life-long condition, flaring intermittently. (File pic - NOT my legs)
The most common location for capillaritis is the leg, though it may manifest on the trunk and upper extremities. 
This is my fat leg. With DOTS. Multiple DOTS.
The dermatologist asked if I have done anything new, did I walk or stand too long, did I take different supplements. I told her I have not been doing or eating anything new. Just my usual routine of morning walk and yoga. She thought it was hard to believe. She even asked me if there were new poses that I have attempted. Nope.
I have been active in yoga again for 2 months now. But these symptoms only started to show in the last 3 weeks. And I have not been straining my legs – I believe – unless you tell me doing a bound lotus is bursting my capillaries! What a scary thought. But I didn’t feel any discomfort when I went into the pose. What else? I have been doing more arm balances and headstands – doesn’t that relieve the stress on my legs? The usual warrior poses and sun salutations should not be contributing to this. And pilates?? No – we focused on core strength! So what is the problem??
The saddest thing is that – there’s NO CURE. No medication, no lotion. I just have to wait for them to fade, if ever… they are like bruises, according to her. But sometimes there will be permanent “stains” left by the iron in the blood.
I’m so sad. I don’t have beautiful legs to begin with, and now there might be permanent marks on both my fair and smooth legs… how cruel is that…
I’ve decided to take 1 week break from yoga and see if there’s any improvement. Sigh… should I even think of quitting? Just when I thought my body is ready.
And the emptiness I feel at work is slowly eating into me. I have yet to hear any positive response from any party. And I have been gobbling chunks of chocolates – no joke. It has to be a combination of PMS and the frustration at work. How can I breakaway from being an emotional eater?? Yoga was supposed to help me. But now, even yoga is not exactly on my side. SIGH. Why is everything so gloomy this year?? :(
Then 3 weeks back, I noticed some bleeding under my skin on both my legs… and they never subsided. I got worried and went to see a GP. She even took my blood to check on my platelet count, but concluded that my blood was normal. So she referred me to a dermatologist.
Dermatologist concluded that I have Capillaritis - Capillaritis is characterized by leakage of red blood cells from small, superficial blood vessels that results in pinpoint-like hemorrhages (petechiae). Capillaritis is frequently found in patients with long periods of extended standing related to their occupations. A skin hypersensitivity reaction, salicylates and nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) are the most commonly associated origins of capillaritis, though the precise cause is unclear. Capillaritis is usually a life-long condition, flaring intermittently. (File pic - NOT my legs)
The most common location for capillaritis is the leg, though it may manifest on the trunk and upper extremities. 
This is my fat leg. With DOTS. Multiple DOTS.The dermatologist asked if I have done anything new, did I walk or stand too long, did I take different supplements. I told her I have not been doing or eating anything new. Just my usual routine of morning walk and yoga. She thought it was hard to believe. She even asked me if there were new poses that I have attempted. Nope.
I have been active in yoga again for 2 months now. But these symptoms only started to show in the last 3 weeks. And I have not been straining my legs – I believe – unless you tell me doing a bound lotus is bursting my capillaries! What a scary thought. But I didn’t feel any discomfort when I went into the pose. What else? I have been doing more arm balances and headstands – doesn’t that relieve the stress on my legs? The usual warrior poses and sun salutations should not be contributing to this. And pilates?? No – we focused on core strength! So what is the problem??
The saddest thing is that – there’s NO CURE. No medication, no lotion. I just have to wait for them to fade, if ever… they are like bruises, according to her. But sometimes there will be permanent “stains” left by the iron in the blood.
I’m so sad. I don’t have beautiful legs to begin with, and now there might be permanent marks on both my fair and smooth legs… how cruel is that…
I’ve decided to take 1 week break from yoga and see if there’s any improvement. Sigh… should I even think of quitting? Just when I thought my body is ready.
And the emptiness I feel at work is slowly eating into me. I have yet to hear any positive response from any party. And I have been gobbling chunks of chocolates – no joke. It has to be a combination of PMS and the frustration at work. How can I breakaway from being an emotional eater?? Yoga was supposed to help me. But now, even yoga is not exactly on my side. SIGH. Why is everything so gloomy this year?? :(
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Fruit galore
Got some sour strawberries as door gift at a company function. They are just too sour to be eaten on their own. Made a chilled cheesecake with them and somehow the sourness made the cake more appetising.
I didn't realise strawberries have such a beautiful, natural redness - I didn't even have to put any colouring to get the beautiful pink colour.
And it's Thai mango season! Have been wanting to try making this mango mochi since my visit to HK. Oh boy I nearly gave up after making just 2 mochi balls. It's so tough! So sticky and I couldn't even roll them into a nice, smooth ball shape :(
However hubby tried one and fell in love with them, and encouraged me to make more. So, I took this as an opportunity to work on my patience and finished up the dough. And here you go... But I'm still not very satisfied with the appearance. No wonder the recipe called for dessicated coconut - to disguise the imperfections... And how come the commercially produced ones looks so much nicer?
And I bet this is not natural colouring. Though I must say they tasted good.
A new (good) beginning for a new month. Praying hard :)
I didn't realise strawberries have such a beautiful, natural redness - I didn't even have to put any colouring to get the beautiful pink colour.
And it's Thai mango season! Have been wanting to try making this mango mochi since my visit to HK. Oh boy I nearly gave up after making just 2 mochi balls. It's so tough! So sticky and I couldn't even roll them into a nice, smooth ball shape :(
However hubby tried one and fell in love with them, and encouraged me to make more. So, I took this as an opportunity to work on my patience and finished up the dough. And here you go... But I'm still not very satisfied with the appearance. No wonder the recipe called for dessicated coconut - to disguise the imperfections... And how come the commercially produced ones looks so much nicer?
And I bet this is not natural colouring. Though I must say they tasted good.A new (good) beginning for a new month. Praying hard :)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Need some peace of mind
It has been a very turbulent month of March 2010 for me.
I just felt disturbed, out of control, lost and depressed – in both my career and my personal life.
Career wise – project is over, what do I do next? Do I stay in my comfort zone and continue to do something I’ve been doing for 10 freaking years, or do I move on to a new role which is honestly not very challenging but equally comfortable? I chose the latter. But all that took a turn when I was told that the department which I had intended to join will be dissolved in 3 years. Which means what I’m going to do now will not add value to my next next role. Which means whatever I do in this role will become futile. No promotion in sight for the next 5 years perhaps. This is disheartening. So I told my boss I want a job that has a clear career path. There are vacancies available, but I do not have the relevant experience – obviously. And because of that my next role is still uncertain until I go for few rounds of internal interviews. Until someone thinks I’m suitable. Or I’ll just move back to the role with no clear future. And this will drag on for a while. I hate the agony I have to go through until something concrete comes about. Talk about red tapes…
On the home front, things have not been rosy, to say the least. Accumulation of misunderstandings and miscommunications over the years has made me think real hard about what I really want. Or rather if married life is for me in the long term. How can two very different people live with the extreme differences for the next 50 years? It freaks me out to visualise our future together. Love alone is not enough to hold two persons together. Life is complicated. Both parties have to work very hard to make things work. And with the distraction and uncertainties looming in both our careers, the emotions are stirred further. Constant fights with no solutions. The emotional roller coaster is draining me…
This morning I came across an article titled “Science of Relationships” and the article ended with a phrase: “Happiness is nothing but cessation of mental agitation created by unfulfilled desires. Less desire equal less agitation. Be happy to do what you ought to do to the best of your ability, with love”. How appropriate. How timely. We often lose track of the simplest philosophies. Because life is stressful and most of the time we can’t even clear our minds to think and rationalise.
I went for yoga 4 times last week and I have never enjoyed my practice more. It’s in times like that that we realise yoga does help to calm our minds and distract us from all the unhappiness, dissatisfaction, unfulfilled expectations in the illusion (maya) we’re living in. If only we can remind ourselves more often the true meaning of our existence in this world.
I shall try my very best to remember this everyday and take life in stride. I can’t wait to get out of this painful phase. OM…
I just felt disturbed, out of control, lost and depressed – in both my career and my personal life.
Career wise – project is over, what do I do next? Do I stay in my comfort zone and continue to do something I’ve been doing for 10 freaking years, or do I move on to a new role which is honestly not very challenging but equally comfortable? I chose the latter. But all that took a turn when I was told that the department which I had intended to join will be dissolved in 3 years. Which means what I’m going to do now will not add value to my next next role. Which means whatever I do in this role will become futile. No promotion in sight for the next 5 years perhaps. This is disheartening. So I told my boss I want a job that has a clear career path. There are vacancies available, but I do not have the relevant experience – obviously. And because of that my next role is still uncertain until I go for few rounds of internal interviews. Until someone thinks I’m suitable. Or I’ll just move back to the role with no clear future. And this will drag on for a while. I hate the agony I have to go through until something concrete comes about. Talk about red tapes…
On the home front, things have not been rosy, to say the least. Accumulation of misunderstandings and miscommunications over the years has made me think real hard about what I really want. Or rather if married life is for me in the long term. How can two very different people live with the extreme differences for the next 50 years? It freaks me out to visualise our future together. Love alone is not enough to hold two persons together. Life is complicated. Both parties have to work very hard to make things work. And with the distraction and uncertainties looming in both our careers, the emotions are stirred further. Constant fights with no solutions. The emotional roller coaster is draining me…
This morning I came across an article titled “Science of Relationships” and the article ended with a phrase: “Happiness is nothing but cessation of mental agitation created by unfulfilled desires. Less desire equal less agitation. Be happy to do what you ought to do to the best of your ability, with love”. How appropriate. How timely. We often lose track of the simplest philosophies. Because life is stressful and most of the time we can’t even clear our minds to think and rationalise.
I went for yoga 4 times last week and I have never enjoyed my practice more. It’s in times like that that we realise yoga does help to calm our minds and distract us from all the unhappiness, dissatisfaction, unfulfilled expectations in the illusion (maya) we’re living in. If only we can remind ourselves more often the true meaning of our existence in this world.
I shall try my very best to remember this everyday and take life in stride. I can’t wait to get out of this painful phase. OM…
Monday, March 22, 2010
Crazy over bread
I have been baking nothing but BREAD lately. Love the recipe, and managed to get some organic high protein and wholewheat flours to bake our daily healthy breakfast. This recipe is really easy and nice to eat, provided you make enough time to proof the dough.
Made some variations with the recipes and they were all G-R-E-A-T!! No wonder bread-baking is addictive. To the point where hubby is asking me to stop as he's getting sick of it haha...
With Italian herbs and olive oil
With black sesame and virgin coconut oil
OK, time to move on. Planning for egg tarts... stay tuned :)
Made some variations with the recipes and they were all G-R-E-A-T!! No wonder bread-baking is addictive. To the point where hubby is asking me to stop as he's getting sick of it haha...
With Italian herbs and olive oil
With black sesame and virgin coconut oil
OK, time to move on. Planning for egg tarts... stay tuned :)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
(Un)Conditional Love
My love is definitely conditional. I ain’t no saint, and I cannot give my love without being treated with respect and, LOVE.
I just feel very disheartened whenever “friends” suddenly turn their backs at me and take me for granted. And I’m quite sure I’m not being sensitive. I just… GET IT… when you give me all the signs that you want to distant yourselves from me, for whatever reasons not known to me, I will stay away. Even though it means spending all my time all alone, I don’t mind. I just want my friendship, and love, to be appreciated and reciprocated.
Maybe it’s my problem. I’m not a good company. I suck at communicating. I’m a BITCH. But over the months I have been given the signs that I was slowly gaining acceptance into this cliquish group. I have no ulterior motives, I just wanted to be friends, and I really thought we could click… but apparently not.
And you know what, I am fine with that. I can be strong and move on. I GET IT.
And every time after such “betrayals” happened, I always regret giving my all unconditionally… as if I’m not old and seasoned enough to know that the world is ruled by impermanence? Still so gullible at such old age. And feel so disappointed every time it happens.
And this is NOT my PMS talking ;p
I just feel very disheartened whenever “friends” suddenly turn their backs at me and take me for granted. And I’m quite sure I’m not being sensitive. I just… GET IT… when you give me all the signs that you want to distant yourselves from me, for whatever reasons not known to me, I will stay away. Even though it means spending all my time all alone, I don’t mind. I just want my friendship, and love, to be appreciated and reciprocated.
Maybe it’s my problem. I’m not a good company. I suck at communicating. I’m a BITCH. But over the months I have been given the signs that I was slowly gaining acceptance into this cliquish group. I have no ulterior motives, I just wanted to be friends, and I really thought we could click… but apparently not.
And you know what, I am fine with that. I can be strong and move on. I GET IT.
And every time after such “betrayals” happened, I always regret giving my all unconditionally… as if I’m not old and seasoned enough to know that the world is ruled by impermanence? Still so gullible at such old age. And feel so disappointed every time it happens.
And this is NOT my PMS talking ;p
Friday, March 12, 2010
I’m convinced I’m a MAN…
I AM A MAN.
Both physically and psychologically.
My pigeon and monkey poses still suck, my hips is like ½ foot above the mat – after 4 years of yoga practice! Sigh. But somehow I have not much problems performing poses that require lots of arm strength – which explains my (almost) Madonna arms. Flexibility seems like a much bigger challenge for me than strength… It demoralises me to see all the ladies who are older than me going into a full monkey pose so effortlessly… what should I do to open my hips?? I know yoga advocates No Competition, but I’m competing with my own body, my own flexibility, so that I can become better… does that count? ;p
And someone with psychic ability read my numerology and concluded that I have a very strong character, like a sword, and I am actually a control freak 5-star general! This is definitely not what I thought I was. I definitely have lots of weak moments… I look strong (again, like a man!) on the outside but deep inside I need comfort and reassurance all the time. And I don’t think I’m a control freak – I always give in to make peace. But I guess the numbers don’t lie?
The only thing that differentiates me from a man is – PMS. Like now. Why oh why…
Both physically and psychologically.
My pigeon and monkey poses still suck, my hips is like ½ foot above the mat – after 4 years of yoga practice! Sigh. But somehow I have not much problems performing poses that require lots of arm strength – which explains my (almost) Madonna arms. Flexibility seems like a much bigger challenge for me than strength… It demoralises me to see all the ladies who are older than me going into a full monkey pose so effortlessly… what should I do to open my hips?? I know yoga advocates No Competition, but I’m competing with my own body, my own flexibility, so that I can become better… does that count? ;p
And someone with psychic ability read my numerology and concluded that I have a very strong character, like a sword, and I am actually a control freak 5-star general! This is definitely not what I thought I was. I definitely have lots of weak moments… I look strong (again, like a man!) on the outside but deep inside I need comfort and reassurance all the time. And I don’t think I’m a control freak – I always give in to make peace. But I guess the numbers don’t lie?
The only thing that differentiates me from a man is – PMS. Like now. Why oh why…
Thursday, February 11, 2010
CNY 2010
I have decided to just make a few canisters of CNY cookies this year. I had planned to enjoy the process and not stress myself out by mass producing. But somehow… Hubby took some orders for my pineapple tarts. I did try selling them a few years back and oh boy, I realised how tough it was to earn money from selling home made cookies… too time consuming and stressful. Not to mention the mess. The heat. The ants. Arrgghhh…
But these customers keep coming back every year. Should I feel honoured or what? ;p After serious consideration, I decided not to disappoint them. Just THEM. No more. Ended up baking 15 canisters in 8 hours and feeling completely pooped out! ;p
Unfortunately I can’t afford to cook all the pineapple jam myself. Too much work, seriously. Just take a look at the entire process. My hands were shivering for the rest of the day from the juicing.
First, blend the pineapples (3 here!) and squeeze out all the juice.
Then, caramalise some sugar in the pan and pour in the juiced blended pineapples, stir till dry and golden brown. Add in cinnamon & cloves.
End product - not even 1 small canister full of pineapple tart filling!!
So I bought the premium grade pineapple jam – which could be better than what I made – for the customers. Shall keep the self-cooked jam for my own enjoyment :) I’m not that profit-minded after all… This premium grade jam costs RM5.30 per kilo more than the other brand! -_- Anyway, today I bumped into this recipe that doesn’t require juicing – just let the blended pineapple simmer and dry up on its own! Maybe I should try that next year, makes life so much simpler ;)
On another note, I also tried my luck at deep frying arrowheads. It was really easy and quick – I spent only an hour to make 3 canisters from scratch! Maybe I should sell this next year instead – the profit is 300% of cost and time cost is nothing compared to pineapple tarts :)
But these customers keep coming back every year. Should I feel honoured or what? ;p After serious consideration, I decided not to disappoint them. Just THEM. No more. Ended up baking 15 canisters in 8 hours and feeling completely pooped out! ;p
Unfortunately I can’t afford to cook all the pineapple jam myself. Too much work, seriously. Just take a look at the entire process. My hands were shivering for the rest of the day from the juicing.
First, blend the pineapples (3 here!) and squeeze out all the juice.
Then, caramalise some sugar in the pan and pour in the juiced blended pineapples, stir till dry and golden brown. Add in cinnamon & cloves.
End product - not even 1 small canister full of pineapple tart filling!!
So I bought the premium grade pineapple jam – which could be better than what I made – for the customers. Shall keep the self-cooked jam for my own enjoyment :) I’m not that profit-minded after all… This premium grade jam costs RM5.30 per kilo more than the other brand! -_- Anyway, today I bumped into this recipe that doesn’t require juicing – just let the blended pineapple simmer and dry up on its own! Maybe I should try that next year, makes life so much simpler ;)
On another note, I also tried my luck at deep frying arrowheads. It was really easy and quick – I spent only an hour to make 3 canisters from scratch! Maybe I should sell this next year instead – the profit is 300% of cost and time cost is nothing compared to pineapple tarts :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Yoga is BACK!
What a happy day. Glad that I made the decision to “invest” in my health and fitness. Yes I’m back to (practising) yoga :) Just so happened that my favourite teacher’s studio was having an open house with very good offer for membership – RM100 per month for 10 months! (Just hope that they won’t close down before that. Once bitten twice shy...)
Also decided to take part in their quest to create a record with the most people doing headstand in a room. And with that I got a 1-month free membership, and on top of that, I won a red yoga mat from the lucky draw! Gosh I don’t even remember winning any lucky draw in my life. Maybe I did, that must be yonks ago or I won something really small and not memorable ;p
So, my plans are all laid out. Just waiting for the right moment to activate the membership. Yeah it’s CNY, going to be busy blabla… we all know it all boils down to my own laziness ;p pole dance? That will have to take a backseat for now. Suddenly I’m feeling really really poor -_-
Let's hope the new year bring me prosperity. Never seems to have enough $$... ;p
Also decided to take part in their quest to create a record with the most people doing headstand in a room. And with that I got a 1-month free membership, and on top of that, I won a red yoga mat from the lucky draw! Gosh I don’t even remember winning any lucky draw in my life. Maybe I did, that must be yonks ago or I won something really small and not memorable ;p
So, my plans are all laid out. Just waiting for the right moment to activate the membership. Yeah it’s CNY, going to be busy blabla… we all know it all boils down to my own laziness ;p pole dance? That will have to take a backseat for now. Suddenly I’m feeling really really poor -_-
Let's hope the new year bring me prosperity. Never seems to have enough $$... ;p
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Magic Bread!
OK, I lied.
I was not supposed to bake anything else but CNY goodies. But I couldn’t help trying out this new bread recipe that I found. Because I desperately needed some “healthy” breakfast.
Well it’s not exactly healthy in the strictest sense, because obviously it’s made of white bleached flour. And sugar. Pure carbohydrate. But at least I know for sure it’s free of preservatives.
And the best part was, I didn’t have to do any kneading. Thanks to Kenwood Chef. And the result was good :)
It rose very high and the texture was very soft, and it tasted great. At least for the first 2 days.
As I didn’t use any chemicals, the bread hardened on the 3rd day. And strangely this recipe is not suitable for making toasts. It’s just good eaten steamed. Anyway, I’m not complaining. It’s like the most successful and frills-free bread I have ever baked. Shall bake this again with healthier ingredients.
And since the oven was on (haha… there I go again), I attempted another vanilla cupcake recipe. Another one that claims to be NYC Magnolia’s original recipe. I cut the sugar in half – and it was GREAT. Honestly I have forgotten how the real Magnolia tasted (it was delicious and aromatic, that’s all I can remember). This was good. Even without the frosting. The right texture, the right sweetness. Yes I think I have found IT… The best vanilla cupcake recipe. Happy happy.
I was not supposed to bake anything else but CNY goodies. But I couldn’t help trying out this new bread recipe that I found. Because I desperately needed some “healthy” breakfast.
Well it’s not exactly healthy in the strictest sense, because obviously it’s made of white bleached flour. And sugar. Pure carbohydrate. But at least I know for sure it’s free of preservatives.
And the best part was, I didn’t have to do any kneading. Thanks to Kenwood Chef. And the result was good :)
It rose very high and the texture was very soft, and it tasted great. At least for the first 2 days.
As I didn’t use any chemicals, the bread hardened on the 3rd day. And strangely this recipe is not suitable for making toasts. It’s just good eaten steamed. Anyway, I’m not complaining. It’s like the most successful and frills-free bread I have ever baked. Shall bake this again with healthier ingredients.
And since the oven was on (haha… there I go again), I attempted another vanilla cupcake recipe. Another one that claims to be NYC Magnolia’s original recipe. I cut the sugar in half – and it was GREAT. Honestly I have forgotten how the real Magnolia tasted (it was delicious and aromatic, that’s all I can remember). This was good. Even without the frosting. The right texture, the right sweetness. Yes I think I have found IT… The best vanilla cupcake recipe. Happy happy.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Naked cakes
Haha... Yup, this time round you're going to see some "naked" cakes.
To me, good cakes are not just pleasing to the eyes, they have to be delicious with the right texture, right sweetness and taste.
I love to try out recipes because I want to make sure the cakes are delicious even before they are made beautiful. So here you go...
Green tea sponge cake - this was wonderful. Attempted to put dairy whipped cream with homemade azuki beans as the filling. They turned out nice but the azuki beans were not soft and sweet enough. And I forgot to take pictures of the "dressed" cake :(
Another brownie recipe - nah, I'm still sticking to the previous chewy-fudgy recipe :)
Another batch of vanilla cupcakes - still looking for the BEST recipe... more trials to come...
There should be no cake-baking for a while as I'll be baking cookies for Chinese New Year. So far my list includes Pineapple Tarts, Chocolate Chip Cookies with Nuts, possibly some Cranberry Oatmeal Cookies too :) Stay tuned.
To me, good cakes are not just pleasing to the eyes, they have to be delicious with the right texture, right sweetness and taste.
I love to try out recipes because I want to make sure the cakes are delicious even before they are made beautiful. So here you go...
Green tea sponge cake - this was wonderful. Attempted to put dairy whipped cream with homemade azuki beans as the filling. They turned out nice but the azuki beans were not soft and sweet enough. And I forgot to take pictures of the "dressed" cake :( 
Another brownie recipe - nah, I'm still sticking to the previous chewy-fudgy recipe :)
Another batch of vanilla cupcakes - still looking for the BEST recipe... more trials to come...There should be no cake-baking for a while as I'll be baking cookies for Chinese New Year. So far my list includes Pineapple Tarts, Chocolate Chip Cookies with Nuts, possibly some Cranberry Oatmeal Cookies too :) Stay tuned.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
First yoga post of 2010
Yay, finally made it to a yoga class this year, after stopping for about 40 days ;p
And it was one of my favourite teacher's class - Azmi's Flow2. So glad that he brought back Flow 2, and the best part is the timing - Saturday morning! And the class is not crowded like the ex-yoga studio with 30-40 sweaty people haha... there was a nice crowd of 7, it was as great as ever.
There was a bit of pain, but I felt great being forced to go into poses that I usually feel too tired (lazy) to attempt at home. I really should do this more often. Thinking of getting the weekend only unlimited membership. Going for yoga once or twice a week is better than no yoga at all! Yup this is still my 2010 resolution, apart from taking up pole dancing too haha...
I just love Azmi's class because he's so good with his sequence, adjustments, and calming voice. I just can't stand teachers - especially ladies (sorry!) - with screechy voice and non-stop talking for the entire 60 minutes. I prefer to "feel" the poses and the pain and connect them to my breath and soul, without being too distracted by the instructor. Yes I promise to be back! :)
On another note, went for the torturous deep tissue massage again as my bunion has been very painful and swollen for weeks now. Biggest regret in my life. It was EXCRUCIATING. I am so going to quit going!! Please get better... He told me I sit long hours and thus there's a lot of congestion in my spine (causing the knots), and the effects are often reflected in the legs/feet. And I need to stay away from cold drinks, sour and spicy stuff. Sigh... age is really catching up I guess... I can no longer enjoy all the food I like! So people - enjoy it while you can, but eat in moderation. You wouldn't want to go through what I have to go through... ;p
And it was one of my favourite teacher's class - Azmi's Flow2. So glad that he brought back Flow 2, and the best part is the timing - Saturday morning! And the class is not crowded like the ex-yoga studio with 30-40 sweaty people haha... there was a nice crowd of 7, it was as great as ever.
There was a bit of pain, but I felt great being forced to go into poses that I usually feel too tired (lazy) to attempt at home. I really should do this more often. Thinking of getting the weekend only unlimited membership. Going for yoga once or twice a week is better than no yoga at all! Yup this is still my 2010 resolution, apart from taking up pole dancing too haha...
I just love Azmi's class because he's so good with his sequence, adjustments, and calming voice. I just can't stand teachers - especially ladies (sorry!) - with screechy voice and non-stop talking for the entire 60 minutes. I prefer to "feel" the poses and the pain and connect them to my breath and soul, without being too distracted by the instructor. Yes I promise to be back! :)
On another note, went for the torturous deep tissue massage again as my bunion has been very painful and swollen for weeks now. Biggest regret in my life. It was EXCRUCIATING. I am so going to quit going!! Please get better... He told me I sit long hours and thus there's a lot of congestion in my spine (causing the knots), and the effects are often reflected in the legs/feet. And I need to stay away from cold drinks, sour and spicy stuff. Sigh... age is really catching up I guess... I can no longer enjoy all the food I like! So people - enjoy it while you can, but eat in moderation. You wouldn't want to go through what I have to go through... ;p
Friday, January 15, 2010
Christmas Cupcakes
A long overdue post. Have been busy with work related matters since the start of new year. Not hectic, but stressful emotionally. If you know what I mean. The kind of stress that won't go away even in your sleep simply because some people are not doing their work.
Let's not talk about work. I made some cupcakes over Christmas for my colleagues and was quite pleased with the results. But making fondant is STILL a nightmare. For this new year I've decided to try the ready-to-roll version, which costs 3 times more but 30 times easier haha... Will tell/show you the results after my attempt.
For the cakes, I attempted some new recipes as I am still not happy with the "alleged" Vanilla Vanilla Cupcakes (NYC) recipe I found on the net. I baked Lemon Poppy Seeds Cake with Citrus Cream Cheese Frosting (reduced sugar, of course!) and La Manilla Chocolate Fudge Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting. They were both yummy! Definitely keepers.
I still had some fondant left after the Christmas Cupcakes project, and since my not-so-little bro's birthday was around the corner, I attempted another recipe - the Bon Ton Tiramisu - minus the sugar frosted nuts.
Every time I told my bro I would bake a cake for his birthday, he would respond with a smirk. He vividly remembers my failed cakes (ONLY -_-), and it was then I realised that he hasn't been eating my cakes (and seen the "improvements") over the years!
So, to redeem my reputation, I had to prove him wrong. And this sponge cake recipe (for the tiramisu) didn't fail me. It was easy, and for once, the texture didn't change when I refrigerated it! I'm so glad. However, the cream was way too rich for us... Hmm... again, recipes cannot be trusted 100%.
Poor snowman was already melting away as I had to put him in the fridge with the cake ;p
I tend to forget all the time - Tiramisu can never get enough of the coffee liquid to become moist...
Let's not talk about work. I made some cupcakes over Christmas for my colleagues and was quite pleased with the results. But making fondant is STILL a nightmare. For this new year I've decided to try the ready-to-roll version, which costs 3 times more but 30 times easier haha... Will tell/show you the results after my attempt.
For the cakes, I attempted some new recipes as I am still not happy with the "alleged" Vanilla Vanilla Cupcakes (NYC) recipe I found on the net. I baked Lemon Poppy Seeds Cake with Citrus Cream Cheese Frosting (reduced sugar, of course!) and La Manilla Chocolate Fudge Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting. They were both yummy! Definitely keepers.I still had some fondant left after the Christmas Cupcakes project, and since my not-so-little bro's birthday was around the corner, I attempted another recipe - the Bon Ton Tiramisu - minus the sugar frosted nuts.
Every time I told my bro I would bake a cake for his birthday, he would respond with a smirk. He vividly remembers my failed cakes (ONLY -_-), and it was then I realised that he hasn't been eating my cakes (and seen the "improvements") over the years!
So, to redeem my reputation, I had to prove him wrong. And this sponge cake recipe (for the tiramisu) didn't fail me. It was easy, and for once, the texture didn't change when I refrigerated it! I'm so glad. However, the cream was way too rich for us... Hmm... again, recipes cannot be trusted 100%.
Poor snowman was already melting away as I had to put him in the fridge with the cake ;p 
I tend to forget all the time - Tiramisu can never get enough of the coffee liquid to become moist...Friday, January 1, 2010
What a start...
What a way to start 2010...
I practically limped into the new year.
Went to the sports doctor again as my right knee has been feeling funny, though I could still perform the yoga poses painlessly, but sometimes I feel pain at the back of my knee when I walk, and occasionally the entire right leg feels weak.
He told me this time seems more serious than before (!!) and it could be due to hormonal imbalance. I should also avoid eating vegetables which are white in colour and mushrooms. Oh no... I love mushrooms!
It was the longest 1 hour in my life. I had tears in my eyes and wanted to give up half way, but I persevered. I hope it works. It hurts like helllllllll till today :(
Hubby is no better haha...
And this was Day 2:
I practically limped into the new year.Went to the sports doctor again as my right knee has been feeling funny, though I could still perform the yoga poses painlessly, but sometimes I feel pain at the back of my knee when I walk, and occasionally the entire right leg feels weak.
He told me this time seems more serious than before (!!) and it could be due to hormonal imbalance. I should also avoid eating vegetables which are white in colour and mushrooms. Oh no... I love mushrooms!
It was the longest 1 hour in my life. I had tears in my eyes and wanted to give up half way, but I persevered. I hope it works. It hurts like helllllllll till today :(
Hubby is no better haha...
And this was Day 2:
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